I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
