I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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