I will die if light touches me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
