Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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