his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
