if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My ass is underappreciated
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
