She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
