Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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