"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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