I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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