I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
