His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
