2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
