Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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