The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
