Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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