I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
