The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
