The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
