Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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