Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
