I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
