i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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