ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
