Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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