brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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