Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
