Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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