I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
