Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
