he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
