We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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