He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize