There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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