Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
