I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
