I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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