What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
