So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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