just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize