He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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