how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
