yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
