I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize