we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
