Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
