let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
