also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
