I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
