i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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