Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
