Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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