today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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