porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
dude. I can hear the air.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize