I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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