Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize