I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
