you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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