Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The power of my boobs compel you
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
