I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
