im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
