Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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