And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sorry about my life...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
