He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
