Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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