So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
