You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
