Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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