He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize