I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
